Many divorcing couples turn to a type of alternative dispute resolution called mediation to help them reach a divorce settlement. Given that mediation focuses on collaboration and finding common ground, many people assume that mediation only works for couples who still have an amicable relationship. However, even spouses who have trouble reaching a mutually agreeable resolution to their divorce issues can benefit from family mediation.

Understanding High-Conflict Divorces

A “high-conflict” divorce is one in which the spouses have intense disputes over the outstanding issues in their divorce, such as property division, spousal/child support, or child custody, or one where the couple has had a complete breakdown in communication. High-conflict divorces may result from issues during the marriage, such as:

  • Power imbalances resulting from disparate incomes, views on spousal roles, or other causes
  • Emotional abuse
  • Distrust caused by infidelity or financial mismanagement
  • Domestic violence or child abuse/neglect

 

Unfortunately, the adversarial nature of divorce litigation can amplify animosity and hostility in high-conflict divorces. Spouses may see the divorce as a zero-sum or winner-take-all situation, in which they try to “win” rather than reach a mutually acceptable resolution.

How Mediation Can Help

In family mediation, a neutral third party called a mediator helps facilitate negotiation between spouses by helping them understand the strengths and weaknesses of their cases. The mediator’s goal is to get the spouses to see the situation from the other spouse’s perspective, and to suggest solutions for a mutually agreeable settlement. Mediation provides a more structured environment for settlement negotiations, which can help reduce tensions between spouses and focus the conversation on settling issues in the divorce.

The confidential nature of mediation may also encourage spouses to adopt a more honest approach to discussions. In contrast, divorce litigation in court may encourage spouses in a high-asset divorce to take a more adversarial approach to put themselves in a “better light,” given the public nature of court proceedings. Furthermore, mediation can lead to creative settlement solutions that a court might not reach when asked to resolve a couple’s issues in a divorce trial.

Challenges in High-Conflict Divorce Mediation

While mediation can be helpful in a high-conflict divorce, there are still potential challenges, including that:

  • Mediation may not work for every couple, especially when a relationship has involved abuse or manipulation.
  • Settlement discussions may stall out because of emotional outbursts, attempts to dominate conversations, or an unwillingness to compromise during mediation.
  • Mediations may fail when couples ignore the mediator’s instructions regarding boundaries and respectful communication.

Tips to Improve Chances of Success

If you’re thinking about pursuing mediation in a high-conflict divorce, you should keep the following best practices in mind in order to give yourself the best chance of reaching a mutually agreeable settlement:

  • Select a mediator who has experience working with couples in high-conflict dynamics.
  • Consider realistic goals that you want to achieve in mediation, rather than a list of demands to make of your ex.
  • Attend mediation with your divorce lawyer for legal guidance through the negotiation process.
  • Explore counseling or therapy to help you work through emotions associated with your ex before going into mediation, so that you can negotiate with a clear, rational mind.

Contact a Divorce Lawyer Today

Personal animosity toward your spouse or difficulty compromising over issues in your divorce can get in the way of the resolution you need. However, mediation could be the solution you’re looking for, as it may provide the setting and support you and your spouse need to resolve the outstanding issues. Contact the Law Office of Vogel & Mourelatos, LLC today for a confidential consultation with a divorce attorney about whether this form of alternative dispute resolution is right for you.